When I like them, I kiss them. Heres to the women who love me terribly. May all your ups and downs be between the sheets. Better to be a well-known drunkard than an anonymous alcoholic. 18.) So, lets drink these pints and get messed up. May it always be the other guy. ".here's to maintaining proper Ph Levels in our vaginas, yeast infections!" 2. freshcutgrass 10 yr. ago. So she gets a divorce. We asked Atlas . Little fools drink too much, and great foods not at all. May they never stop. May you live to be as old as your jokes." #9. When I love them, I let them. And learned if you drink too much, its likely tequil-ya. A: The Holy Spirit! The Irish are well-known for their love of bawdy jokes. - Tom Waits. 69.) May you live to be as old as your jokes. 13.) Enjoy!About us. May your net worth be like Ireland's capital, always Dublin. A thousand welcomes when anyone comes That's the Irish for you! A rich man lives in a castle, a poor man lives by the sea. Culture toast toasts 1. Best friends bring beer. May our sons have rich fathers and beautiful mothers. Here's an Irish toast to your wedding: May the roof over your heads be as well thatched As those inside are well matched. -Quint. 5.) It's time for a toast. May the lilt of Irish laughter lighten every load, shorten every road. Heres to all the days that end in Y. 14. Who loves not women, wine, and song, He will be a fool his whole life long. 33.) Cheers to that. If youre looking for more party ideas, check out the rest of our collection. However, in some cultures, it is seen as a sign of respect and gratitude towards the person giving the toast. A tennis ball walks into a bar. Thats unfortunate for these two! But a whiskey glass and a fat girls ass are home sweet home to me. I wont. C. Fields. BloonWars 10 yr. ago. "May our sons have rich fathers and beautiful mothers." 2. Few of us want to hear a long boring toast. For more information, please see our Dont worry theyll tell you. This is one of the most common college drinking quotes youll ever have. What is this, asks the bartender, some kind of joke?. After all, advancing birthdays are much better than the alternative. Heres to a night on the town, new faces all around, taking the time to finally unwind, tonight its about to go down! But a whiskey glass and a fat girls ass are home, sweet home to me. Heres to the three rings of marriage, the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. 40 of the Best Drinking Toasts 1. The second is for nourishment. Tipsi's Bar Guide], [1948ca. All the rest can go to hell. - Frank Sinatra. Tequila is a good drink: you drink it and you feel like a cactus; the only problem is that in the morning the thorns grow inward. To Lasting Friendships This good Irish toast is perfect for a group of old friends together for a celebration. My heart is as full as my glass when I drink to you, old friend! But the oceans not beer, and Im not a duck, so lets drink these pints and get messed up. Over the teeth and over the gums. Heres to staying positive and testing negative. May they never stop. Cheers to beers and legs behind your ears. But now I cannot think about it. If there's a significant birthday in your future -- a number that ends with a zero or a five -- celebrate with guests by offering a funny . And may your pockets always have a coin or two inside. Drink to life and the passing show And the eyes of the prettiest girl you know. The hope of a childlike heart to you. 4: Season of Mists [my personal favorite] Toaster: Excelsior! 13. A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. Take this fun personality quiz and find out now! 5. The past won't mind. heres to you, heres to me, fuck the rest, . Heres to doing and drinking, not sitting and thinking. May we live to learn well and learn to live well. May you always know what true riches are: your health, a loving family, loyal friends, a job that you love, and $500,000 deposited in a dozen foreign banks scattered around the world! Try this one at your next bachelorette party. After a sudden burst of inspiration, he pulls out a small pad of paper and writes on it: I spit in this beer. Putting the note on the beer, he heads off to the bathroom. May the winds of fortune sail you, May you sail a gentle sea. Wouldnt that be a nice toast to one of your real friends? Heres to the women who have used and abused us. And to make an end is to make a beginning. Here's to whores and prostitution, big ole bulls that keep on buckin and pretty little girls that keep on fuckin. Then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.W. Wouldnt that be a nice toast to find on a beer bottle? When we drink, we get drunk. Here's to you here's to me, may we never disagree. Drinking All The glasses Off The Table My friends are the best friends. Life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life. Dance like nobodys watching. Four reasons Jesus must've been Irish. And, I drank to your health so many times I nearly ruined my own. Cookie Notice When I let them, I loose them. For last year's words belong to last year's language, and next year's words await another voice. Heartbreak makes you wiser. Which My Little Pony character are you like? We know it is true that were wicked, That our criminal laws are lax; But heres to punishment for the man Who invented the income tax. 11.) I would rather be with the people in this room than with the finest people I know. We have created a collection of funny drinking toasts you can use next time you raise a glass! The most funny toasts for drinking 1. Hops is a plant. To the bride and groom! Nothing, it just let out a little wine. Heres to a long life and a merry one, a quick ending and a happy one, a good girl and a pretty one, a cold bottle and another one. The test of Gold is Fire The test of Truth is Time The test of Gods love are the heavens above and everything sublime. Now lets get to drinking! 97.) 76.) Would that we could fall into her arms without falling into her hands. In contrast, others jump right into stating what or who they are toasting to. Time is a waste of life. Heres to lobster tail and beer. May you have the hindsight to know where youve been, the foresight to know where youre going, and the insight to know when you have gone too far. 95.) Heres that we may eat the hen that scratches on our grave. The best ships are friendships, and to those ships, we drink. When I kiss them, I love them. May it always be the other guy who says, this drinks on me.. Now let's get to drinking! 20. Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker. Cocksucker, motherfucker, dicky licker, too; Im a fuckin [house], who the fuck are you? If you get a bad one, youll become a philosopher. Dont worry. Don't live the same year 75 times and call it a life. On your birthday, remember: dont drink and tattoo. A gorilla walks into a bar, orders a Mai Tai, and hands the bartender a $20 bill. Whether you need a break during your busy day or a good laugh, Box of Puns is the ultimate destination for humor. In the New Year, may your right hand always be stretched out in friendship, but never in want. To your very good health. Im on a whiskey diet. Here's to milk, eggs, bread, and cinnamon. May the face of every good news And the back of every bad news Be towards us. Ive got way too much blood in my alcohol system. 4. Life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life. Its better to be a well-known drunk than an anonymous alcoholic. Thus, let us drink beer!Martin Luther, My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin. It was a brewed awakening. May we never go to hell but always be on our way. With this said, where can I get the next cold beer bottle? If youve ever found yourself drawing a blank, use these drinking toasts to your advantage and make everyone around you think youre one cool cat. 128 Views. Box of Puns is a media company that publishes the best and funniest puns, jokes, and riddles. As you can see, there are many ways to give a toast. Share them with your friends: 100 Best Corona memes and jokes, which will make you laugh, 315 Best Tongue Twisters (Easy, Hard, Funny, for Kids), 357 Funny Insults and Comebacks (Useful in Every Situation). Heartbreak makes you wiser. "Happy birthday! May the roof over your head be always strong. - Stephen King. Ive trained my dog to bring me red wine.Its a Bordeaux collie. A well-delivered toast can mean the difference between a good night and a great night. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Bawdy Drinking Toasts Bawdy Toasts Here are bawdy, erotic or scatological toasts that can be said by either gender. 7. He goes up to a beautiful young woman and says, So, do I come here often?, 55.) I drank to your health so many times I nearly ruined my own. If drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic, does drinking fanta make you fantastic? To alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of lifes problems. Let us have wine and women Mirth and laughter Sermons and soda-water The day after. Love like youve never been hurt. But please don't tell his wife! If you are celebrating your second wedding, this quote might be the right one. With these drinking quotes, you are settled for any occasion! From scatological oaths to Irish drinking songs about cuckold husbands. 3. We draw out the first word until the whole room joins in and then we just go. The bartender says we dont serve time travelers in here. Made with a lavender simple syrup and homemade lemonade muddled with mint, these Lavender Lemonade Mojitos are the prettiest color and make for the perfect summer cocktail. So lets all get drunk and go to heaven. 30. 5. May all your ups and downs be under the covers! #7. But not too many toastings, lest you lose yourself, and then forget about good Patrick and see all those snakes again. A skeleton walks into a bar and says, Id like a beer and a mop., 54.) 28. 12. Dear alcohol, We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter, and a better dancer I saw the video we need to talk. Best Funny Toasts Here's to that long straight piece in Tetris. The past wont mind. When the bartender serves him, he says, "I see you didn't order a beer for one of your brothers. May you live to wholeheartedly follow your bliss, and follow your bliss to live wholeheartedly. For a good reason! A cop pulls him over. May you live to be as old as your jokes. If youre looking for more party ideas, check out the rest of our collection. Beer is made from hops. May we be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows were dead. Pigs dont turn into men when they drink. To Men. Can you hold my beer?. AG. 51.) Heres to the husbands whove won you, the losers whove lost you, and the lucky bastards whove yet to meet you. -Nick Mercer, 3. So lets get wasted all of the time, and have the time of our life. Strike hands with me. If it doesnt look like its breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth. So, fill your glass with anything and damn your souls, Ill drink it. I drank to your health alone. Be hoppy.. Writers block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.Steve Martin, The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.Humphrey Bogart, Beer is made by men, wine by God.Martin Luther, I distrust camels and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.Joe E. Ellis, Never underestimate how much assistance, how much satisfaction, how much comfort, how much soul and transcendence there might be in a well-made taco and a cold bottle of beer.Tom Robbins, Work is the curse of the drinking classes.Oscar Wilde, I am a firm believer in the people. So lets get wasted all of the time and have the time of our life. Heres to those who wish us well, all the rest can go to hell. Let us toast to animal pleasures, to escapism, to rain on the roof and instant coffee, to unemployment insurance and library cards, to absinthe and good-hearted landlords, to music and warm bodies and contraceptives and to the good life, whatever it is and wherever it happens to be. Such a strange combo and an odd idea but it's about as classic as it gets for a funny drinking toast! "I don't have a drinking problem 'Cept when I can't get a drink.". And vodka makes you not remember any of that cr*p. Heres to staying positive and testing negative! Heres a toast to all the liquor well drink tonight and the coffee well drink tomorrow. And may you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead. May we live to learn well, and learn to live well. 32. Beer! Me: I love you.You: Is that you or the wine talking?Me: Its me talking to the wine.. Top 10 best drinking toasts 1.) To bread, without bread, thered be no toast. 2. and drink like a true Irishman. Funny and Clever Acronyms to Make You Laugh, 50+ Funny Irish Blessings and Sayings to Make You Laugh, 45+ Hilarious River Puns to Make You Laugh, 45+ Funny Squid Puns for Ink-redible Laughs, 75+ Hilarious Soy Puns to Make You Laugh Soy Hard, 115+ Funny Ant Puns to Make You Laugh Ant-il You Cry, 105+ Hilarious Rose Puns to Make You Laugh. Whats the difference between men and pigs? Our mission is to deliver fresh and enjoyable content. The only war where you sleep with the enemy. May they soon improve. The Bar With The Boys"). A toast is a sign of honor and goodwill. Heres a toast to the most wonderful person I have ever met. Here's to the present and the friends who are here. 11. 8. Best. Heres to health and prosperity, to you and all your posterity. Champagne costs too much, Whiskeys too rough, Vodka puts big mouths in gear. May we all have the chance to prove that money cant make us happy. When he returns, hes delighted to see his full beer still sitting there with the note. Drink to a fair woman, who, I think is the most entitled to it. Friendship: May differences of opinion cement it! Its ok if you sometimes find no better reasons for drinking. If the ocean was beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and drink myself up. Raising children takes a village, preferably one with many vineyards. It is best to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, ones present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason. We hope you found some quote within this list that suits you and represents you as a character. 3. Coincidence?" - Stephen Wright "I followed my heart & It led me to ALCOHOL." Turning your glass upside down after a toast typically means that you do not want to drink anymore. What did the beer sing on the beach? A beer in each hand. My love grows for my foamy friend, With each thirst-quenching elbow bend. 21.) What have eight arms and an IQ of 60? "Life is a waste of time. Luckily, I woke up, and I see that the world is just as it should be. To those who have seen us at our best and seen us at our worst and can't tell the difference. An epidemiologist, a scientist and a doctor walk into a barJust kidding, they know better. Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. Smart, sophisticated, friendly, and beautiful Now that's enough about me Here's a toast to you my dear friend! Heres to Dame Fortune. 34. Heres to the nights well never remember with our friends, well never forget. 96.) In some cultures, cheersing with water is seen as disrespectful because it symbolizes a lack of wealth. Heres to the women, with little pink shoes; who steal all our money and drink all our booze; now, shes not a virgin but thats not a sin, cause shes still got the box that the cherry came in. May you live to be a hundred years old with one extra year to repent. May the best of your past be the worse of your future. Heres to a long life and a happy one, a quick death and an easy one, a good man and an honest one, a cold pint and another one. I fear my last words will be hold my beer and watch this.. My friends are the best friends Loyal, willing, and able. Heres to the Army and Navy and the battles they have won.Heres to Americas colors, the colors that never run.May the wings of liberty never lose a feather.Jack Burton (movie king of drinking toasts). 8.) Heres to being naughty and saving Santa a trip. Home | This maybe the last time We see this cup. Heres to honor. Happy birthday, darling! 16. Heres to a love that never grows old. May we get to Heaven, a full half-hour before the devil knows yer dead. A quick death and an easy one. To the kisses weve snatched and vice versa! For if anything drives men to drink, she certainly can do it. May the doctor never earn even a cent from you. Guy in bar: Have you got anything to drink?Bartender: Water.Guy in bar: I meant something harder?Bartender: Ice.. Here are 103 funny drinking quotes that will have the room buzzing. Learn Wine First Aid! Take everything in moderation including moderation. If drinking beer, Could bring her back here, I'd drink the damn place dry, Yes, I'd drink the damn place dry! Cheers to beers and legs behind your ears. "Here's to a long life and a happy one. Youre a gentleman and a scholar and a good judge of bad liquor. This is always a good one to overcome bad times. Never underestimate the power you have to take your life in a new direction. So lets all get drunk and go to heaven. And vodka makes you not remember any of that crap. Heres to clean glasses and old corks. Half an hour before the devil knows you're dead." "Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.". May the winds of fortune sail you, May you sail a gentle sea. May we get what we want, but never what we deserve. Stay foolish. Heres to whores and prostitution, big ole bulls that keep on buckin and pretty little girls that keep on fuckin. An Irish Toast for a Bachelor. And trusting in Him, to Whom we all pray; May a song fill your heart, every step of the way. If you cheat, may you cheat death, If you steal, may you steal a woman's heart, If you fight, may you fight for a brother, And if you drink, may you drink with me. 25.) 13. 22.) Heres to the brilliant, warm, handsome company that you keep. to . Hes good people. I had the strangest dream. May you have nicer legs than yours under the table before the new spuds are up. 79.) In a bookshop, Temple Bar district. May our penises always be harder than our lives. Get excited about the future. Tears make you braver. Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough. 5. "I didn't order my own beer; my wife made me promise to give up drinking.". When we get drunk, we fall asleep. 90.) Heres to staying positive and testing negative, Heres to pussy and gun powder, live by one, die by the other, love the smell of both of em., How the fuck do you drink toast. I drank to your health in the company, I drank to your health alone, I drank to your health so many times, I nearly ruined my own. If you cheat, may you cheat death. Heres to alcohol, which often makes one see double and feel single. "Good Lord, he's done it again!". It is a sign of appreciation and acceptance of the toast. All glasses off the table! When we get drunk, we fall asleep. Heres to lesbians, because they have good taste. This Irish toast is perfect for you if you are an honest fellow. Irish toasts. So why not get wasted all the time, and have the time of our life." 2. Here are some funny drinking toasts to make birthdays more special and induce gales of laughter. Heres to you. Little Johnny: can your dick touch your asshole?Grandpa answers proudly; 'Yes, it can'. An ox walks into a bar. 10. If the ocean was beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and drink myself up. The past is always tense, the future perfect. May the roof above us never fall in, and may we as friends never fall out. The light of the Christmas star to you. Heres to the glass we love to sip, It dries many a pensive tear; Tis not so sweet as a womans lip but a damned sight more sincere. Heres to steak when youre hungry Whiskey when youre dry A lover when you need one And Heaven when you . Im a fuckin [ house ], who, I woke up, and the coffee well drink.. 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